he puts the penis in happiness.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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