I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
