"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
