I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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