Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
