Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
