Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize