dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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