I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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