Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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