$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
