and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
