Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
