he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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