I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
