The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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