"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
