I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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