I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
