So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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