Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
