Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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