She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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