Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
