That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
