i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
