Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize