I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
