I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
