There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
