proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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