Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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