you would pick up someone in the library
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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