I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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