as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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