I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's never too late to be topless.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
