when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
