i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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