Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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