you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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