I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
