dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm having to shit out rocks
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