A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
third nipple confirmed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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