just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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