sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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