my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
