Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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