Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
