I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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