Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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