He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
