Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
