had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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