Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
