Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
