I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's never too late to be topless.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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