I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
