i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
