can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
