Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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