that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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