I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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