I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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