Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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