How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She bit a glass in half.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
