So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
