she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
