i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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