I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
