she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
