We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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