why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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