Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
