I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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