Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
