I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Damn victory sex feels great
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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