New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
