I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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