Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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(740): View more from Ohio

I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.

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(518): View more from New York

hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river

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(805): View more from California

I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.

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(530): View more from California

Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it

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(979): View more from Texas

There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.

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(804): View more from Virginia

You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.

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