I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
