She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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