so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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