he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
