i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
