So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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