I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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